Imagine settling in at your desk for a bit of work on a cold winter’s morning when you realize your coffee has grown cold. Teeth clattering you hobble to the stove, shambling shamelessly in your threadbare sweatpants, to pour recently chilled bean water into a small pot. After a few moments of the stovetop’s hot glow this pitiful leftover coffee dribble is warmed to your satisfaction.

This was life in our apartment of 5 years without a microwave.

The place didn’t come with one and we never figured out a good place to put one. Slowly over time we began to pride ourselves in our ability to patiently warm liquids and foodstuffs with a stove. There is a certain disdain towards the microwave. Those without are quick to let you know, similar to people who brag that “don’t have a television because we read.”1 I write these words, dear reader, because I want to share the sheer joy I have for the low-end, piano black Hotpoint microwave in our kitchen.

What happened? Well two years ago we moved into a house with a microwave. The magic of the “+30 seconds” button2 brought a convenience and immediacy to warmness that we sorely missed. After having a baby the last 7 months, it’s been an absolute godsend for quickly sanitizing bottles, warming pumpkin or frozen corn, and yes, even a cup of damn good coffee that’s grown cold.

This past weekend after a long day of work and child rearing, we reached in the freezer for a quick dinner: two of Amy’s banh mi wraps.3 This frozen delicacy’s cooking instructions, printed on its transparent plastic wrap, tells you everything you need to know about why I love microwaves and why I, in the ever waning days of 2024, am writing this piece:

Microwave Oven: Place the wrap on a microwave-safe plate. Cover with a microwave-safe plate. Cook for 1 minute. Flip. Cook for 30-45 more seconds. Let sit 1 minute. Serve.

Oven: Preheat oven to 350ºF. Remove overwrap. Wrap in foil. Bake the wrap for 50-55 minutes. Let sit 1 minute. Serve.

Ain’t nobody got time for that shit.

In another life we might have waited nearly an hour to eat a too-small burrito-like substance. That is not the life I want for myself. It certainly is not the life I want for my child.

Thank you, microwaves.

  1. Never mind that most of these people do in fact watch TV shows and movies. They just do it from their phone or computer, just as Christopher Nolan intended. It’s as if the act of owning a large black rectangle near a wall is a crime against culture and dignity itself. Animals. ↩︎

  2. I saw someone on Threads say the “+30 second” button may be the single-most pressed button in human existence. This quip partially inspired this post, so thank you, but it couldn’t possibly be true unless you discount the sleep/wake button on the smartphone. ↩︎

  3. They’re fine but pricy. They were delicious given our hunger and situation. ↩︎